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A couple of weeks ago one of my close friends asked a question that i thought was worth talking about. He inquired about how to overcome fears which pop up sometimes - even if things are going great.

To be honest it is not an easy question to reply to considering that it differs from person to person. There are actually entire books which have been written on that matter alone. However, one of the best techniques I have used to overcome my fears generally involves lowering the gradient.

Exactly what are gradients? Gradients are similar to steps on a ladder. If you try to go to the top of the ladder on your first step, it will probably be impossible and you will not succeed. If you keep trying it again and again you may start building up a "complex" regarding failing, and soon stop trying anymore.

If you try to leap up five or six steps on your first attempt, it will also be scary - not really impossible but frightening. Probability is that if you have no experiences jumping that high you will fail too.

The correct approach is to take the initial step and then advance one-step at a time. It is the most pleasant way to climb a ladder.

Below are a few examples of how I apply that to overcome fears which pop up in meeting women and dating women:

As many guys do, I often go out to meet women in a social setting. This can be especially frightening. Therefore while I am approaching a beautiful woman in a party, rather than telling her how gorgeous she is and how much I am fascinated by her (which exposes my fear of being shot down in front of a lot of people and embarrassed) I lower the gradient of approach and just say "Hi." If a girl likes you or has an interest in you she will discover a way to carry on the conversation. If she doesn't then i know she has no interest in me and the simple "Hi" just shows that I am friendly - not necessarily even flirting - so I don't feel shot down in front of other people.

If I am starting to date a woman and I am afraid of taking the next step of trying to get intimate with her, I will not ask her "Do you want to get intimate?" I take a lower gradient and ask her if she would like to relax, get cozy, and just watch a movie at my place. If she doesn't want to get intimate she certainly won't want to be alone with me, getting cozy at my place. Or instead of trying to suddenly "kiss her", I will just hold her hand or give her light touches every now and then to see how responsive she is to my touch. If she likes my touch she will begin touching me back to render me with the go ahead signal.

These are some examples. When you feel awkward and scared simply try to think of a lower gradient which isn't as scary and lets you make forward progress toward your main goal. If you do this you will learn how to meet women and how to connect with them in a short time.

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