The Last Moment
His hands were suddenly clammy and felt tingly cold. He could feel the sweat oozing from every pore on his body. There was a very irritating twitch that had developed in his left eye, which was now keeping a beat of which M. C. Hammer would be proud. He did not know how he was going to get through the next few seconds of his life without passing out. The world seemed to swim in and out of focus as he swayed unsteadily on his feet. People he knew and some he did not, although he was sure he should have, were staring at him in anticipation. He knew he should at least make the attempt, but he did not think he would make it.
“This is it.” He thought. “This is the moment I have dreaded all my life. The end is finally here.” He tried to speak but his saliva had dried up and all he could manage was a croaking sound. As he glanced around him, he could see the concern in everyone’s eyes. Some even registered alarm. He knew he had to try. Even if it killed him, and he thought that it actually might but he had to try. “I absolutely, unequivocally must find a way to miraculously survive this,” he thought, “Everything is hanging on what I do now. They are counting on me which means it’s all riding on this one moment.”
“One,” a sudden stabbing sensation pierced his chest. He could feel his pulse start to palpitate. For a brief moment, he thought he might actually pass out. “Two,” the pressure in his chest increased. He realized he had not taken a breath in quite some time and all the blood had rushed to his head, which felt the size of an enormous, hot air balloon. “Three!” He drew in a deep lungful of air and steeled himself. At first, absolutely nothing at all happened. He was sure his throat had seized and he would be completely immobilized like this forever. Then, at last and with great relief, he heard his voice boom through the room. It reverberated violently off the walls. An infant, somewhere in the large crowd started crying, startled.
“I DO!”
Music started playing and the preacher, looking very relieved, pronounced them man and wife. He kissed his new bride hello, and his old life goodbye. The guests, also relieved, crowded forward to congratulate the happy couple. He realized then that he had made the right decision and after all was said and done and the newlyweds had departed in their white limousine as the guests lingered, but only long enough to comment to each other what a lovely ceremony they had witnessed. They slowly left the chapel with pills online their spring wedding favors pills online without prescription and their garden wedding favors in their gaily-decorated packages and they all went home.
The pastor and his wife stood in the empty chapel surveying the left over decorations and little white specks of rice on the carpet. “For a moment, I thought he was going to bolt and I wondered,” the pastor’s wife commented as she put paper plates into a plastic trash bag. “Why do men have such a hard time with commitment?”
The Elderly pastor stopped trying to untangle the vacuum cleaner cord and sat down in the first pew. “My dear,” the elderly pastor began, “I thought you would have figured that out by now. I’ll explain it to you but you might not have the right genes to get it. I believe you have to have a certain level of testosterone to understand.” He reached up and loosed his tie before continuing. “You see, men can comprehend what is wrong and what is right, but unlike women, we can’t figure both, at least, not at the same time. I guess you could say we are like the moon, sometimes we are full of light, and we shine brightly. During that phase, we see the good in everything. Sometimes we have no idea what we want and that is the phase in which we are more like the new moon. You cannot see the new moon because the earth blocks the sunlight. So you could say that when a man is like the new moon he is there, he is just not too bright. Our young groom today was like the crescent moon. Half of his soul could see his lovely bride before him; the other half was not very bright. Fortunately, his bright side kicked in and it turned out okay.” The pastor’s wife slowly shook her head from side to side. “You must be a new moon tonight because you’re making no sense at all.
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